How I ended up loving my journal
“Dear Diary,
I couldn’t have been more wrong. I thought that I could smile and nod my way through it, pretend like it would all be okay. “
**Cue the dramatic music in the background as Elena Gilbert journals her sorrows away on The Vampire Diaries Pilot episode.**
I used to think that people who journaled were pathetic or being dramatic. My previous experiences with journaling had been only through dramatic TV scenes I watched as a teen. I had never met someone who journaled in real life.
As time passed and mental health and self-care became more popular, I became interested in journaling as a therapeutic exercise.
My first attempt at journaling was on my digital notepad but it didn’t feel right. I wrote a couple of times but then decided to delete them. I felt it didn’t fit well into my online notes’ structure which was mainly academic summaries and to-do lists.
I also thought the idea of having a physical notebook sounded more compelling and mystical (maybe I am dramatic after all) but I never bought one.
Then, last year I experienced a lot of anxiety and uncertainty in my life. During times like this, I would always turn to my friends. One day, one of them suggested I try journaling so I could stop using him as a free non-professional therapist. I guess that’s the push I needed to re-spark my interest in journaling.
I went to a bookstore and found out there were special types of notebooks (I prefer this one) and journaling pens I didn’t know I needed in order to immortalize my thoughts into paper.
My first entry went something like this:
05/02/2019
First entry!
Starting a new habit. People say it helps to organize my feelings. I hope it works. Today I ate boneless chicken wings.
…entry continues with my own sorrows which I don’t think add value to this post. Don’t worry, no dramatic music nor vampires this time.
The first months were irregular. I mostly wrote only when I felt anguish or when I was bored and feeling down (a.k.a. every Sunday.) Then I tried to write at least three entries per week, depending on how busy I was with work and life.
Sometimes I lost track of my journal for almost 10 days so I decided to set daily reminders on my calendar.
I was willing to make journaling a habit! It didn’t matter if I no longer had anything to write about. I always tried to sit down and at least transcribe song lyrics or describe objects I had nearby.
Entry by entry I aimed to be more descriptive, this way I could read previous pages and be able to reflect better.
These are some insights I discovered:
- Some insecurities I repeatedly wrote about were things I could start working on.
- A couple of relationships seemed to be more harmful than nourishing.
- At times I made fast, uninformed jumping to conclusions.
- I should re-evaluate my taste in music.
I was actually gaining mental and emotional clarity!
But I still had some topics I didn’t write about. Having a physical notebook with my thoughts meant that someone could find it and read it. I obviously tried to keep the journals somewhere safe but invasion of privacy disguised as curiosity is a possibility when you live with your family, or maybe that’s what I think is normal (yet another possible insight about my life…)
As I kept journaling, the process became more systematic; I think I’ve now developed my own template for entries. First, I start by describing what I did throughout my day: things I enjoyed doing, things I didn’t like, and at least one thing I learned. Then, I describe notable social interactions I had and try to tap into how I felt.
My average journal session takes about 8 to 10 minutes.
Sometimes it’s all happy thoughts, sometimes I fill the entire page with irrelevant information, or sometimes it all goes downhill. Regardless of the spectrum of feelings I may be having on a particular day, I always end with one thing I am grateful for.
“Grateful for: noticing my mistakes.”
It’s been over a year now since I began practicing this habit. Journaling has become one of my favorite activities in my daily routine..
Writing on my journal has helped me to:
- Be introspective: It has given me the ability to identify environments that make me feel anxious and recognize hidden emotions.
- Improve my writing skills (Although, my handwriting has gotten worse)
- Organize my thoughts: Keep track of the progress I’ve made physically, mentally and emotionally. For example, my treadmill speeds, water intake, number of times I am able to escape toxic conversations, etc.
- Build self-confidence: By writing down my accomplishments, I remind myself of what I am capable of, especially when I’m feeling discouraged.
- Be a better listener: When I allow myself to vent or rant in my journal before interacting with people, I can focus more on the other person and less on what is bothering me.
Another additional benefit of journaling is that you get to accumulate a pile of notebooks you need to keep safe. This with the sole purpose of reading old entries; it’s a very entertaining and nostalgic activity that can make you cry, cringe, laugh, and question your sanity. All at the same time!
I still have a long way towards improving my journaling and emotional intelligence. If you have been thinking about journaling like I was a year ago, give it a try!
As for my initial impression of people having a diary being pathetic, I will close up by ironically quoting Elena Gilbert: “I couldn’t have been more wrong!”
There are many journaling techniques out there for you to try and adopt. I’ve researched different formats and applied some prompts into my own. I will now provide some unasked for sources just in case you are interested:
**Disclaimer: Journaling is not a replacement for a therapist and I am not a psychologist.
