Functional Medicine Is Not For Everyone
What I Learned From Trying an Ovarian Cyst Natural Treatment
Yes, I’m yet another woman with broken ovaries. Yes, I took birth control pills to get rid of the cysts…and yes, they grew back. But after watching documentaries about the power that pharmaceutical companies have over the world I now fear to take pills again. I also did my research and discovered that taking those pills is like putting a bandaid on a third-degree burn, very effective. So this time, I decided to try a natural treatment.
I found a doctor who specialized in functional medicine — an alternative medicine which focuses on identifying and addressing the root cause of diseases. She explained how hormones work and how you’re able to control your hormonal system with what you eat. No need for medication.
This miraculous diet consisted on following these simple rules which I call “The NO List”:
- No sugar
- No gluten
- No alcohol
- No caffeine
- No processed meats
- No artificial ingredients
- No dairy
- Avoid stress — already stressed
FOR THREE MONTHS.
The main goal of this diet was to restore my hormonal chi. I was also told to take notes of how my symptoms evolved so I could become more self aware in the future and be able to prevent it from escalating again.
I usually don’t trust people who have such an extreme healthy lifestyle — aka my new doctor. But by this point I was so desperate that I immediately began following the meticulous guideline and decided to rest the weight of my fragile mental state and miraculous expectations upon my doctor’s hands.
I will now proceed to share a summary of the notes I took as the months went by, alongside with a monthly rating of my progress.
1st Month
I had headaches for the first two days. Not a great start. I suffered from caffeine withdrawal since I normally would drink 1 or 2 cups of black coffee every morning. Since I was allowed to drink tea, I replaced my addiction for coffee with a soon to be addiction to buying all kinds of tea. I felt hungrier than usual and since I was eating better, my brain thought it meant I could eat more. To keep balance you must compensate; sorry, I don’t make the rules.
“I am struggling with the idea of having to endure this diet for another two months,” I wrote with despair. I was still having acne breakouts but I was less bloated. Although the goal was to eliminate my ovarian cysts, I can’t say dropping a few pounds didn’t feel nice. I also discovered yet a new way in which I can feel oppressed by society: if I tell people I can’t eat stuff because I’m on a medical treatment then they become entitled to patrol my every meal.
Overall results
- Mental sanity: 6/10
- Porcelain skin: 5/10
- Menstrual cycle stability: 7/10
2nd Month
I can say this was the greatest month, I was starting to get used to my new Californian lifestyle. I discovered the life changing world of quinoa bowls and my period was not late. I was feeling better and most importantly, I was feeling healthy. I wasn’t having as many acne breakouts as before although I still had some. This made me feel better about myself and actually start believing in the process.
A key factor to my success was that I barely left my house. Without being exposed to temptation, I found it relatively easy to follow the diet. Since I had spent the first month actively worrying about what ingredients and brands to buy, I kind of just established a weekly routine to just follow along. Although I was making great progress, I still needed to work on portion control. A handful of almonds does not mean I get to break the Guinness World Record for the amount of almonds a hand can fit; I know. But the main goal of this functional approach is for healthy eating to become intuitive; hence, no quantity restriction…both a blessing and a curse.
Overall results
- Mental sanity: 8/10
- Porcelain skin: 7/10
- Menstrual cycle stability: 8/10
3rd Month
Now that I had already gotten used to avoiding the foods I couldn’t eat, I focused on finding new recipes and alternatives to my cravings. I got to rekindle the long lost spark I had with some vegetables but I feared the day I would no longer be able to stand the sight of a chicken breast. Acne breakouts started to get worse which got me very frustrated. I tried to keep my newly acquired lettuce zen under control but it became extremely difficult as my period transitioned from being fashionably late into reckless-teenage-no-birth-control kind of late.
I reached out to my doctor about these setbacks and my overall lack of motivation. She kindly replied: “Be patient with yourself and have faith in the process. The thing about natural treatments is that they take much longer than common treatments. You should always be grateful with yourself and feel proud of the baby steps you take each day. And remember, you can always start again.” Yes, you read that correctly: “YOU CAN ALWAYS START AGAIN.”
Start again what? Ask to be conceived again? By this point I was one pimple away from just taking the goddamn pills. The thing is, I knew I was supposed to experience setbacks at some point. What I didn’t expect was for this to happen during the alleged last month; when I was already imagining my new life as a bare witness of homeostasis. I got very angry and frustrated but mostly just tired of not feeling any better.
Overall results
- Mental sanity: 3/10
- Porcelain skin: 4/10
- Menstrual cycle stability: 3/10
4th Month — Next Steps
I should just stop keeping track of how many months have passed. I can’t go back to my old life; I’ve tried but now I’m hostage of heartburn and all sorts of indigestion. My doctor had a baby and moved to another country so she wasn’t very supportive and eventually ghosted me….I guess I knew I shouldn’t have trusted her.
For now, I decided to visit the dermatologist first while I figure out what to do next. I am researching and haven’t decided if I want to try an homeopathic treatment or retry a diet-based treatment but with another doctor. I would love to hear from other women going through the same thing.
Overall results
- Mental sanity: 6/10
- Porcelain skin: 5/10
- Menstrual cycle stability: 6/10
